Bobryanmusic.com: The Tracks

The Bingo Bandito

(Bob Ryan)

Hey... there has to be a laugh now and then...
Not available on a CD collection at this point, but I'm willing to bargain.

While traveling south of the Mexican border,
I ran into Bad Man Jose, one fine day.
Holed up in some dark and musty cantina,
He was swilling tequila and belching away.
He sat with his flea-bitten band of banditos,
A motlier crew I hope never to see.
When I inadvertently strolled through the doorway
I found every bloodshot eye fixed upon me.

Jose laughed out loud like a crazy coyote.
His teeth were all rotten, he smelled like a bear.
He pointed at me with his big, black pistola
And said, "Hello, gringo, sit down in that chair."
His unwashed Muchachos closed in all around me,
Jose leaned in close and he gurgled his name.
He said he'd release me alive and unhindered
If I could beat him in his favorite game.

His game, it was bingo, was bingo, by jingo,
His game, it was bingo, by gosh and by gum.
I may be a gringo, but I can play bingo,
I may not be great, but I'm better than some.

A sweet senorita, Maria Carnita,
began calling numbers, B-10 and B-3,
I-26 and then N-37
So far, it looked pretty hopeless for me.
My card lay empty, except for the free space . . .
finally, B-6 and O-63.
Jose had ten before I had four covered . . .
It seemed his pistolas were laughing at me.
Now, the game we were playing was cross-and-four-corners.
He sneered while he covered two more on his card.
But, then I began to gain ground on the bandit,
His ragged compadres were eyeing me hard.
The room grew as still as a night on the desert;
Jose and I each one number away:
Then lovely Maria called G-47 . . . .

I'd beaten the pants off of Bad Man Jose!

I love to play bingo, play bingo, by jingo!
I love to play bingo, by gosh and by gum!
I may be a gringo, but I can play bingo.
I may not be great, but I'm better than some.

Jose stood up slowly, his dazed Compañeros
Looked on, as their leader broke down into tears.
He stripped off his pistols and big bandoleros . . .
He left, and he hasn't been heard from in years.
So now if you travel down south of the border
Where once that bloodthirsty bandito ran free . . .
Steer clear of Maria Carnita's cantina . . .
Or gamble your life playing bingo with me.

I love to play bingo, play bingo, by jingo,
I love to play bingo, by gosh and by gum.
I may be a gringo, but I can play bingo.
I may not be great, but I'm better than some.